Relive and Regret
by Jenniebug
Summary: James has a 2ed chance to get Lily back, but dose he relise that before its too late? rr
1. this goodbye might be forever

Relive and Regret

Declaimer: 'I own it! I own it! I own it!'  
"Jenn! Wake up! You DO NOT own any thing"  
"yeah well here's the story"

chapter one: this goodbye might be forever

"Plus, this year would have so sucked if it weren't for Lily, our head girl. She was the one that actually got me to work! It was amazing! In the begging of the year she came up with our motto which really worked for me, it was, 'James, you do the forgetting, I'll do the remembering.' Try to get me to remember anything, and we'll have the Christmas ball in June! Anyways, Professor McGonagall told me to tell the parents what I've learned this year, so for a whole week and a half I spent my time getting together all my essays, this is were I would have read them all, but when I rehearsed this talk for my friend, he so rudely told me that they weren't my essays, that they were Remuse's. I new there had to be something wrong, I didn't remember writing half of them! But one thing I have learned from Hogwarts is friendship can never be broken, something's were meant to be, and you can't get a detention on the last day of school! Suddenly a whole lot of fireworks went off of every house color. (Some how the silver and green turned to pink and purple)

Sometime between the fireworks and smoke, James had sat down and Professor Dumbledore stood up,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, and Marauders." Dumbledore started, getting mock glares from the marauders, "I'd like to introduce the newest members of the wizarding world!" every one was happy and cheered, it was graduation day, after today, every one would be more than a Hogwarts student, they were finally adults. Every one that is, except for a 17 year old Lily Evans.

Bringing herself out of her thoughts she, slowly she stood up and went to go say good bye to her best friends. To your surprise, all of her friends were guys; it was always like that for her, until, well one week before graduation, she was determined NEVER to trust a guy again. Since the beginning of the year, Lily and James had been going out and the talk of the school. They were voted the most likely to get married after Hogwarts, and Lily believed it too. Then BAM, James had broken up with her and that's when her life fell apart. She had really loved him, and she thought that he had the same feelings, but guess not. The jerk, believe it or not, could have been found an hour later, in a broom closet snogging Brooke Willmes, his NEW girlfriend.

Lily had not taken it as 'well' as James, she stuck to her solitude. She had hardly talked more than two sentences to any one, except Sirius and Remus. They would always be her best friends, no matter what. But she also knew that they would always stay with James no matter what, and that was exactly why she had to leave. She couldn't even look at James and not feel her heart break all over again, let alone with Brooke. James was the only person she had let her self really and completely trust. And he went around using it as if she was just another number, a tally to add to his charts.  
Lily walk towards Sirius and Remus at the refreshment table, where else?

"Hey guys," she said with out her normal cheerful tone, "I came to say goodbye."

"Goodbye, Lily." Sirius said with his mouth full, and still shoving more in.

"No, Sirius, I mean a real goodbye. I'm going to Paris for school, and I won't be able to see you guys for a long while."

"BUT LILY!" Sirius whinnied," You CANT gooooo! Who's going to party with me all night now?" sounding like a two year old.

"Maybe someday we can party again, like we use to, but for now, I need to just leave and get through school." she said with a sad sigh. Sirius pulled her into a big bear hug," fine but we have to party soon! Other wise I might die!"

"Me too Sirius, me too. And anyway while I'm gone you have to make James life the most annoying thing ever for me, and don't stop until I tell you, okay?"

"My pleasure." he smiled, not realizing that she had no intention to see him again.

Then she gave Remus a hug, the last week, they had become close due to the fact that he was the only one who realized that James had hurt her more than a half of what she let people see.

She whispered to him, "I know you know how much he hurt me, and that I probably wont see you guys again, but please don't tell him, let him do what he wants, don't let my needs ruin, his life."  
"Okay." he whispered back, thinking that Lily was a great girl. How many people do you know that would give up there dreams that were as strong as hers for the person they loved to live there own life?

Lily said in voice that would melt ice," And when HE," pointing and James and Brooke snogging, "comes up for air, tell him I said goodbye." She walked out of their lives, wishing things were different; hopping things would change, but knowing that they wouldn't.

7YEARS LATER!

Lily was standing in line to buy her train ticket for the day, "ugg," Lily thought," its not like I don't like the muggle way of life, but it would be so much easier to just appropriate! I wish I didn't even have to do this stupid job, but if I didn't people would start to wonder what I was doing to get all the money and then I might have to tell them I also work-" Suddenly a voice from the past shouted, "THREE POUNDS! WHAT THE HECK! ITS TWO TRAIN TICKITS! THAT'S WAAAAAY TO HEAVEY!"  
Lily hurried to the front of the line," I'm sooo sorry sir!" she said

"A foreigner I presume?" he asked

"Uhh yes, this should pay for 3 tickets, my apologies." she said smiling.

"No prob. miss." Lily grabbed his sleeve and pulled him out of hearing range,

"Sirius! How many times to I have to tell you! POUNDS ARE MUGGLE MONEY!" she scowled him.

"I'm sorry Lily, I forgot, I jus... LILY! IS IT REALLY YOU!"

"In the flesh!" she said with a smile. He picked her up and spun it around. "Where've you been? What are you doing now, why didn't you find me when you got back from Paris?"

"Hold on one question at a time, first of all, I'm good and I've been a few places mostly here or there, once or twice and who is the other person you bought a ticket for?"

"Hey Sirius, who do you got here?" the answer to her question said. None other than James Potter was standing there him self. "LILY!" He yelled seeing her face for the first time. He dropped his hot dog on the ground and gave her a great big bear hug. "I've missed you my Lily Star." he whispered. He was the only person who has ever called her that, hearing it again made the pain that she hid so well, come again. Her eyes had become dull and unreadable once again. Her expression became solid once again, and she pulled away from him. Sirius seeing her sudden change took charge, and took James attention away from her, "So I heard on the news that the whales in china…."

They boarded the train and were off to London for work...

A/N Here is a REVISED version of my first chappie! I hope it's easier to follow, and sry it's taken so long for me to update!


	2. Sirius askes Lily answers

Disclaimer: If you think I'm capable to write ALL of J.K.R's books, and then you're completely right, she just got the idea before me. So I own nothing, none, zilch, zero, zip, nada. Get the picture?

Chapter 2: Sirius asks, Lily answers

The threesome had sat together on the train. Lily sat by the window, and hadn't said or done anything more than look out it. James sat across from her and Sirius next to her. James and Sirius had talk a little bit but not much. Finally James said," I'll be right back." giving Sirius a look, that he understood completely, he also wanted to know why Lily was not being herself.  
"Lily can I ask you something?" he started.  
"You just did," she said, trying to smile, but failing horribly, "but you can ask something else." While still looking out the window.  
"Lily, do... do you, still... Lily, what's wrong? Why haven't we seen you in forever? And do you still miss James?"  
"Do you know how long it's been since someone called me Lily?" she replied, pretending she didn't hear the question.  
"Lily, please, answer the question." he said, wondering what the heck people called her, if not Lily.  
"What? Why haven't I talked to you in so long? Maybe its because my family is in a ROYAL mess, at least what is left of it. My parents were murdered by Voldemort, Petunia blames the whole thing on me, so she's practically disowned me. then Joe decided to leave the wizarding world, leaving me here by my self. Then, track- my job has been very stressful, since forever. And what is this about, you thinking that I still miss James, me, Lillianja Evans, Miss, James Potter? Do you think it's possible for someone to miss the person they were so deeply in love with? To miss someone that hurt them so much, but you cant forget the love you had for them, because your convinced that it should have worked, that maybe some how he still loves you? Does missing them include not being able to sleep at night, because your haunted by what should have been. If I didn't miss him, do you think I would have changed my name because he use to say he loved it? Or does the fact that I changed my whole future so that I wouldn't be upset that he wasn't in the one I had planed to take? Sirius OF COURSE I MISS HIM! He was my true love! He was supposed to spend his live with me! We were suppose to live happily ever after! But guess what, were not, and I can't even do anything I use to in fear I'll feel the hurt all over again! One would think I would be over him by now, its been 7 YEARS! Sirius! 7 BLOODY YEARS! But he's still got my heart under his foot! SO in short Sirius, yes I miss the heck out of James, and there is not a thing in the world I can do about it." she finished with silent tears rolling down her face.

'Wow, I had no idea James meant that much to her,' Sirius thought taken aback, 'And James asked me if he should break up with her.'  
Suddenly she stood up and ran to the bath room. She ran past James, who was on his way back

"Lily?" she heard James call, but she ignored him. She finally reached the bath room. James watched her shut the door and lock it. With a worried sigh, he went back to Sirius.

In the bathroom w/ Lily

She looked at herself in the mirror. 'I can't believe I just poured my heart out to Sirius! I am such a Dork. I just hope he doesn't tell James.' She thought. 'Here's my one chance, if James really loved me he'll try to get me back. Hopefully. Cheese, I look horrible.' "'inphexo'" she said out loud and It looked like nothing ever happened. After a couple of deep breaths she went back to James and Sirius.

Meanwhile…

James hurried back to Sirius and asked, "What happened? What she say?"  
"She said," he started to tell James everything, but decided not to, if she wanted to tell him, she would," she just haveing a family problem, and not her self." he half told him what she said," and James please, try not to get her mad at you. She already upset, don't make it worse!"  
"Okay, I wont, but do you know anything about what happened to her family? I remember her family being quite close, she use to Love to go home on holidays. Her and Petunia were close? And what about Joe? How's he? Wonder what happened."  
There was silence until Lily walked up, Sirius gave her a reassuring smile, and she sat down, trying to forget everything that just happened and tried to make conversation" So umm... How, why are you guys taking the muggle train?" she asked using her chance to see James again.  
"Well you see," James started," we were kind of harassing some poor muggle and we got our aporating licenses suspended." Sirius finished.  
Lily tried to laughed, it wasn't her real laugh, not just yet, but she hoped it would come back soon. For the first time, in a long time, things were looking up. "that sounds just like you guys, you'll never change." after saying this, she got real quiet, she realized that if they never changed, would that mean James would still be the player he was, she hoped he did change, but the possibility was still there.

After that everyone went into there own little world, Sirius thinking about Lily and James and if they were meant to be, and if so would James ruin it because he has no idea how much Lily still cared.

James was thinking about Lily and what was wrong with her family, Mr. and Mrs. Evans were really nice and loved her from what he could see, hopefully neither one of them were sick, or had a heart attack or something. Or maybe something happened to Patuina, they were really close, maybe she got hurt, that would be horrible, 'I wish Lily would tell me what's making her sad I hate to see her like this' James thought having no idea it was him, from all toughs years ago.

Lily was thinking about, trying not thinking about James, and keeping her mind on her own problems, and work. She worked for the daily prophet; she edited the articles, made sure that there was nothing in there to 'hurt' the public. 'I hate this job, it pays enough, but still, I'd rather spend all my time on-' Her thoughts got cut off by James who told her that it was time to get off.  
"Well it was nice seeing you guys again, but umm I have to go to work," Lily said leaving as fast as she could.  
"Bye, Lily." James called, and they walked the other way.

At work

"Anja, we have two arrors in training coming, after they work here for two months, they will have finished there training, you have been assigned one, I heard he's charming." her boss, Mr. Will tembugg  
She half smiled and went to her desk, she was usually the first person there, including her boss, but today was different, she ran into people she really hadn't wanted to. (A/N remember Lily goes by Anja ) 'And now I have to deal with an arror, James was going to be the best arror there was this is begining to be too much' She thought as she started to get the next days articles.  
About a half an hour later, it was time for her to go pick up her 'trainee'. She went up to the head desk, what she saw there was something that she wish she hadn't. "Potter" she said under her breath. This was her trainee James Potter. It wasn't him that made her, right then and there, start to not just hate him but loathe him, it was his actions. He was flirting with the blonde girl who ran the front desk. She wrote her number on a piece of paper, and before he left he kissed her! Can you believe that! Right in the middle of work. Right then Lily decided she would never ever forgive him, she was right, he hadn't changed, and never would, and that was it. "Potter," she said, in a bitterly way, "if you wouldn't mind I have to get to work and unfortunately with you."  
James looked very confused,' Potter? Since when, I Thought I was James, we settled that, the end of... 6th year.' He slowly came, towards her, she swiftly turned around and walked quickly, James had to practically jog to keep up.  
"This is what you need to correct, I want it at the end of the day, don't talk to me, I'm busy, and I don't need to deal with you right now." she sat down, and got back to the article she was working before she was interrupted.

A/N I hope you like it! And Thanx to Angelzsweet90 and Amber, My only TWO reviewers, sorry for the long wait, hopefully I'll get the next chappie up soon!


	3. What's with you?

Disowner: "and for graduating 8th grade we want to give to the right to all the Harry Potter books and the next two!"

"REALLY!" "

No"

"Fine then, on with the story."

Chapter3: what's with you?

"But Sirius, I've been working with her for a whole week! And all she's said to me is, here's another article, or sod off I'm busy. What to I do? It's not like I did anything wrong!" James complained to his best friend.

"okay, explain to me what happened the first day, after we split up at the front desk."

"Well, I went up to the third floor just like they told me, then I ask the lady at the desk what to do. She told me just to wait, so I did. We got to talking, she gave me her number and I gave her a quick peck on the lips, and when I looked up, she was there glaring at me, and she's been giving me the cold shoulder since, I did NOTHING wrong!" Sirius started to laugh at his best friend, but stopped suddenly and whacked him up side the head.  
"You idiot! YOU STUPID IDIOT!" James shh-shed him, making sure no one else in the Leaky Cauldron heard him," sorry, but can't you see, she thinks that your still the dumb over-sized head egoistic big shot git you were in Hogwarts, the player you were, with the whole number and kiss with the secretary! I thought I told you not to make her mad at you?" he said much quieter.

"WHAT? How could she think that? I changed for her in 7th year! This is a disaster! I'm going to have to win her over again! Tell my Sirius, tell me why am I so stupid?"

"Well there was that one ti-"

" Don't answer that " he said, and started to bang his head on the table well this seems to be familiar, Sirius thought, except this time I actually know she loves him, now what was my wonderful speech I told him last time? oh yes... "James banging your head isn't going to do anything except for maybe give you a splitting headache..."

w/ Lily

Lily sat in her window sit, watching the rain drops hit the glass in no particular rhythm, thinking. Thinking of Hogwarts, thinking of how she finally let him have a chance, thinking how she actually fell in love with him, how she could imagine them getting married, having kids, getting old together, and then thinking how he dropped her off in the blink of an eye, he let go of the longest relationship he's ever been in. Thinking, thinking and remembering was here worst fear, her scrapbook of her time at Hogwarts was what showed up when she fought the Bogart when she was training for-

POP

Lily's best friend apporated to her apartment, which broke her train of thought.  
"How is it going?" Kerri asked cheerfully," I just got back from California, Jason is doing good, his Auror training is going good, oh by the way, he says hi, we had so much fun, I already miss him, he took me to- Anja? Are you okay?" Lily had silent tears running down her face.

'I've never seen Anja cry before, Kerri thought, 'I've seen her go through the crusio curse and barely scream, even when Petunia sent her that hate letter, she didn't cry. AND THEY WERE CLOSER THAN SIAMESE TWINS! What thing so little could make her over powering wall inside, tumble?' She ran to her side and put an arm around her and asked, "tell me Hun, what happened?"

"Well," she hesitated," what would you do…if…if the guy you loved dumped you and then asked the nearest Blonde out with in seconds, and you leave, don't see him. Forever, then 7 years later he shows up, your still in love with him, and you think this is the best time to become at least friends again when you find out that he is still the same egoistic jerk he was before he proved himself to you, how would you feel. To me it felt like all my hopes and dreams were crushed within seconds, like everything just didn't matter anymore, I just wanted to disappear. And the worst thing is that I have to work every day with him for the next two months! Do you know how hard it to even look at him? "she said this all very quickly

"you mean Potters back? Really? Wow, I'd never thought I'd see the day. I never really knew you very well in school, but you didn't seem to upset. But you were? That's weird. I thought it was a mutual end? Wasn't it?"

"No, but that's what I made it seem like, I didn't want to ruin his life with my wants. Well its getting late, you need to go unpack, and I need to go to bed, have to get up early tomorrow." she said as if they had been talking about everyday stuff. Kerri had her doubts, but left anyway.  
Lily changed into her pjs and went to bed thinking how could I cry? And over something so small? Well not that small, but there were so many other things going on besides this, I mean, Voldemort is out there and I'm crying over my teenage love, I am so pathetic. And with that she fell asleep.

A/n I hope you liked it, Pleazzzzzz pleazzzzzzz review! And I'll try to update sooner than before, Love Ya, Jenn


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